No matter how many auditions I go through, I will always be nervous for an audition. I think it's physically impossible for me not to be nervous. My stomach starts doing backflips and I get jittery. I was even nervous last year for district auditions even though I knew I would make it. Auditions are just scary. You've rehearsed something for so long, and suddenly you have to show someone your hard work, and get judged by how you did, how many hours you put in to your practice, how many pencil marks you made all over the page.
Today I auditioned for Toys Take Over Christmas, the annual holiday show that UVM puts on. It's scary to audition at a college level. I feel like everyone is so much better than I am. But that's what I like about this show; the only people who can be in this show are the people who have never performed on UVM's stage before. That made me feel better; I wasn't going up against seasoned vets of RTT.
After my audition I had swim practice, nothing that unusual. Today our workout involved a lot of longer distances, so I was excited about that. Halfway through one of my 300 yard swims, my chest and throat started to tighten up. I'm not sure why this happened, but when you're in a pool, it's terrifying when it gets hard to breath. I managed to make it back to the wall before I had a panic attack. It was scary. I had never had a panic attack in water before, and this was my first one at school. I was out of my element, quite literally. I didn't have any of my normal comforts around, or any of the people I normally talk to to help calm me down. I was scared. Eventually I regained my breath and my chest opened. I'm not sure why it happened, but I hope it doesn't happen again next time I swim.
-Libby Morehouse
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